What do you say after 15 years?

What do you do when your father comes into your life after being absent for the last 15 years? When he saw you last you were anesthetized. He also left before you woke from having your tonsils removed? Even though mommy said he would, I had no proof he’d been there. Christopher never saw him, he was 6 years old.
I divorced him when Christopher was 4 and we moved in with my parents. I got a job bought a house and new cars, took my son to church. I never asked for child support when we divorced and he never asked for visitation. Because Christopher wanted to, I allowed him to visit. The last visit came when Christopher had a bruise on the side of face and he was covered in flea bites.

I petitioned the court for support 2 years later. Even at that time he did not ask the court to see Christopher. Based on him making minimum wage I was entitled to $49.00 a week. As time elapsed, the amount owed continued to grow. I would get a state or federal refund check from time to time that is if he bothered to file taxes. Every other year or so we would be summoned to court and rehash the support (or lack there of) issue. The court had several warrants for his arrest for nonsupport and he spent a 30, 60 and 90 day stint in county jail because he didn’t take this debt (or any debt) seriously. To date, the amount owed is $29,106.05. That doesn’t cover the tuition I paid at Trinity High School.

Throughout the entire 16 year ordeal no one spoke ill of this man. Christopher would ask my mom, whom he’d always been close, about his “dad.” Through clenched teeth (and newspaper clippings detailing his arrest and photos of my bruised face the day my niece was born tucked away) my mom would turn the questions on Christopher to see what he remembered and that usually pacified him for a few months. My brother and sister in law told him we just fell out of love BUT loved him very much. He never asked me and I offered no information. Maybe I should have.

Every birthday and Christmas that passed without so much as a card in the mailbox brought sadness and disappointment to my son (and me). I was hurting for him, a simple call or card from him would have out shined anything I could have put under the tree. Like I knew his address, he knew ours, it’s on court papers and our number has always been listed. Yet for 15 years he chose to be out of the picture.

Time passed and I moved on, realizing he didn’t want to be a family with Christopher and me after he got out of prison, I found a wonderful man who became the dad Christopher needed.

Nick never had children of his own, and I told him up front I was a package deal. My son came first. As we dated, at least 2 days during the weekend the 3 of us spent together. Ball games, family parties you name it we did it. After we wed, Nick only became more fatherly, completely taking his roll seriously, doing all the things a dad does. Teaching him to tie his tie, how to use a knife and fork and to drive. When Christopher failed his test for the second time in the Jeep, Nick purchased him a Pontiac Grand Am, you know, so he could pass his test. Private schools, soccer camps, birthday at the ball park and a Diamondback Joker bicycle that was all the rage for those who rode to school. Nick would wake at 4am during the week to get Christopher to the rink for hockey practice. He would wake at 5am on the weekends to drive him to work at the hospital cafeteria, where Nick also convinced me at 14 Christopher needed to get a job. Not that he was a drain on our income, rather to teach him responsibility, the Protestant work ethic and the value of a dollar. All that entailed employment of a minor Nick took care of. Going to our city high school for a work permit (Christopher went to a Catholic High School in a different city) to 3 weeks of physicals and TB testing, Nick was there adjusting his schedule to get it done for his son. Upon his graduation from nursing school, it was Nicks idea to buy the 2005 Mustang for his son.

I knew this day would eventually come. I hoped it would have played out differently than it has. Wishing my, our son would have told this person he’s not needed in his life, he’s got a dad. (The spitting in his face was just an added bonus had that happened, I can dream can’t I?)
Christopher now has 2 stepsisters whom he proudly displays on his fridge and bedroom dresser. During his visit last weekend (while I did 6 loads of his laundry, Nick and Christopher shopped for a new computer) I learned that my son plans to pursue a relationship with him. He didn't elaborate.

It is my prayer that when his curiosity is fed Christopher tosses him to the curb. The man is a poison. He was an abusive husband and a scofflaw. Either people add or take away value to your life. I know this man, I’ve know him since I was 15. He’s a charmer, and could get the rattle off a snake. Like I’ve outgrown him it’s my prayer Christopher will come to realize that as well.

UPDATE
In case it's eluded you, I have feelings of betrayal and Nick feels heartbroken. Like a lioness protecting her cub, I feel that need again, to protect him from what I know will only bring him pain. I kept him from the poison, that is his father, for many years and many reasons. Reasons not mentioned here, just knowing he was better off in a home with a mom and dad who loved him without the bad influences that being shuttled between families would have brought. We taught him morals, values, patience and love of God. This man could not.

I know he's confused right now and has visions of grandeur this man could never live up to, believe me, I've had them too. I pray Christopher's smarter than I was at 21 and turns and walks away before the heartaches begin.