I'm diverting my attention today to post an observation. My best, childhood, friend (whom I'm certain will NOT read this) has been going through a tough time. We talk twice monthly and since June have spoken everyday. She caught her husband having an affair. Now before you say "there's two sides to every story", I know and I'm on her side. The other woman worked for her husband and as he says "start out as sexual innuendo", harmless enough right? Wrong, but we'll get to my point later. This lust in his heart turned into intimacy when the woman offered to give him, well you can guess, for his birthday. Well, that sure trumps my friends breaded pork chops! Now let's keep in mind, this woman WORKS for him, at any point prior to the birthday offer he could have told her "this is unacceptable behavior" and threatened to go to HR. But he didn't, he choose to take a vacation day, wake and dress as though he was going to work and drive 53 minutes (one way) for his "birthday gift". The affair continued on like this, taking the 53 minute drive, for 3 months. Waking at 6am and leaving the house to get on the road by 6:30am to arrive at her house by 7:30am. Every Saturday, to which he told his wife he was working, the ritual was the same. Out of the house by 6:30am and home by 2:45pm, a full 8 hours at "work". My friend, much to her credit, knew when the lust was in his heart a month before the intimacy started. She caught him when the woman replied to a text message he had sent her prior to retiring for the evening. My friend is struggling. It's been 7 weeks and she says the pain has not subsided. They're working on it, and he claims the other woman meant nothing (even though he proclaimed his love for the other woman). She (my friend) loves him and wants to work on her marriage, he too says he wants to stay in the home.
Being me, I have a ton of advice. None of which I gave her, my job right now is to listen. I have voiced my displeasure with him and asked the same questions she has and received the same answers, "I don't know". We cried (he and I) and I yelled, expressing the anger I felt over the pain she's going though. He just can't tell her why he did this, why he would risk losing his home and family if she meant nothing. She asked him to get counseling, 6 weeks ago, and he hasn't. He's still lying (albeit stupid things) even though he knows she'll catch him! I just don't get it, are women and men really that different?
By all outward appearance, I would have once said, he adored her. The typical old fashioned gentleman, opening of doors and the like. He had a lot of people fooled, but not my friend. She knew the minute it started and asked him weekly if he was having an affair. When she told me of her suspicions 4 months ago I thought menopause had taken over her brain. Not "so-and-so" I told her, he loves you! "He loves you", could he love her and sneak, trick, lie to her like he did? That's the question!